KRCW

Well well, this week's episode of 90210 was certainly rife with reveals, was it not? No sooner does Annie suspect her boss of statutory ulterior motives, than we're told what she was really after all along. We find out why Ivy is one tough nut to crack and who Teddy's been spending champagne-laced evenings with. Too bad one of those wasn't a surprise. Oh well, guess two out of three ain't bad.

Ivy, Dixon and Oscar McAccent
Ivy and Dixon are tentatively getting back into the swing of things after the body shot debacle, but Oscar is still intent on meddling in the relationship. He "accidentally" lets slip that Ivy is a virgin and Dixon is suddenly on the offensive citing Ivy's trust issues. Even though Oscar was trying to get into her pants (not hard, those are some really baggy overalls. Then again, those snap things can be tricky...), we have to admit he's kind of right. Ivy shouldn't be lying to Dix about her sexual past, or lack thereof. We have to cut her some slack since she lives in something of a man's world, where admitting virginity is a tough thing to do.

She makes up for it by confiding in Dixon her most well-guarded secret: Her M.I.A. dad lives less than 10 minutes away with a new wife and kids, and nary a thought to his first abandoned daughter. Now Laurel's underage late-night activities don't seem so bad.

Annie
After getting some particularly physically-targeted compliments from her boss, Annie assumes that she must be getting hit on. Ordinarily, we'd advise her to consider some alternative theories, but the Katherine's undeniable giddyness when Annie is around is enough to make even us feel a little uncomfortable. But wait, no, logic prevails when Annie discovers the boss is married...to a man (hey, it's California and there was that Prop 8 window). But not before Annie gave yet another hilarious/painfully awkward monologue/ramble about how boy crazy she is, laying it on entirely too thick. Isn't this girl trying to be an actress? You know, preferably not on a soap opera?

Things get even creepier when husband starts to ogle Annie as well, leading to the only logical conclusion: They're swingers! Oh, if only that were true. Turns out Boss and Mr. Boss can't have children and are looking to buy some of Annie's eggs. Despite the incredibly weird and inappropriate way they went about propositioning her, we think Annie could look a little more flattered. Someone being so impressed with you that they want to raise someone with one of your X chromosomes is probably the best compliment you could receive. Or no, wait. They want to pay you for the honor. That's better.

Ade and righteously-angered Uncle
We love it when our 90210er's mistakes come to bite them on the bum. Well, only when they really deserve it. After singing Javier's song at his memorial service -- which is pretty much the biggest metaphysical slap in the face she could have delivered -- Ade goes viral when a recording of the performance is posted on YouTube. Apparently she's more popular than some talking baby (but not more popular than the smoking baby, obviously). Adding to the clicks is Javier's uncle, who recognizes the song from a demo his nephew recorded six months before, and he is none too pleased. Ade gets asked to go on Entertainment Tonight and Uncle Luna is there to rain on her Ade parade. He'd like to know where she gets off stealing his nephew's music, and frankly, so would we.

Teddy
Poor Teddy finds himself groggily waking up from either a drunken one-night stand or the best pillow party EVER. What? We totally leave little love notes for our friends after fizz-addled pillow wars. We like to let them know we care.

At school however, he's all about making up his transgressions to Silver. This is difficult, seeing as she won't talk to him and a jealous Mr. Cannon gives him a 5,000-word essay assignment, sucking up his free groveling time. Instead, he uses a time capsule video Harper Feingold is spearheading and Silver is editing to get his point across, and it works. Silver forgives him and Harper makes fun of his lame-ass time capsule speech.

Unfortunately, the nightmare isn't over for poor Teddy, who is approached at school by his mysterious fling partner, Ian. This would have been awesomely shocking had it not been revealed a month ago. Nobody wins when you kiss and tell, CW.

Naomi, Silver and Mr. Cannon aka our school system at work
Mr. Cannon is growing increasingly more controlling over Silver, doling out extra homework to her wayward boyfriend and requesting her presence at his house. Is it just us, or shouldn't someone see a pattern after the 50th "Wow, what am I saying? THAT was inappropriate!" come out of a teacher's mouth? Just us? Okay, whatever.

Before Silver gets lured back to Casa de Cannon with the belief that a CNN alum wants the opinion of a 17-year-old on his revival of "Wild Kingdom," she sees a some very strange behavior exhibited in Naomi's capsule message. Naomi looks tired, depressed, deflated, and she's making weird, existentialist statements about mankind -- not at all her bitchy, effervescent self.

Why is she so tired? Well, she's not sleeping at night because she keeps reliving her attack, for starters. A concerned fellow student offers her some pity drugs to help, but we'll get to that later.

As Silver watches Mr. Cannon's documentary, he fixes them up a spot of tea: he, some lovely English Breakfast and her, some Rufilin Rooibos. But just as Silver is about to sip the brew, she realizes that the voice-over in Cannon's film matches Naomi's weird tangent in the video capsule, and suddenly it clicks. Silver drops the tea and heads for the exit after some surprisingly impressive acting. She goes to talk to Naomi only to find her passed out from a nightcap of red wine and pills. The girl chat will have to wait.

Things certainly seem to be spiraling out of control this week. What did you guys think? Will Silver and Naomi finally bring down Mr. Cannon -- and is Naomi even up to the job? What will Uncle Luna do to Ade? Will Teddy come clean about his fling?

Notes n' Quotes
Liam: Years? I don't even know where I'll be 10 days from now.

Liam: If I can't be there tonight I just want to say one thing: Teddy, how did you get so fat??

Ivy: Dixon's like this puppy. Even when he pees on the couch you can't stay mad at him because he didn't mean to do it.

Laurel: This is a memorial service, not Bonnaroo.

Oscar: Love the gams, Dixon.

Random Hot Girl: No offense, but you look like you haven't slept in weeks.
Naomi: No offense, but I liked your old nose better.

Final Thoughts

• Who is this Harper girl and why have we not seen more of her before? She is MAGNIFICENT.
• We actually kind of loved the video collage at the beginning. Aww, we remember dreams!
• These kids find the most awkward times to talk about Ivy's virginity. 1. While you're sweaty and wrestling another man, 2. In the middle of the school walkway. This is kind of a private matter, kids. Find a broom closet or something if it can't wait.
• Yes, Silver, that African figurine is really cool. And available for $7.99 at Cost Plus World Market. We are still reeling from your acting skills with Mr. Cannon though. Finally, more proof that you're the smart one.