But first: Quick, somebody fetch the B-12!
Check out the symptoms:
The new front-runner is a guy whose claim to fame is his connection to the biggest Medicare fraud case in American history.
He's whupping up on the career hack the Republicans used to worship.
And, as big of a mess as both of these Republicans are, both of them are leading the lead Democrat, who has struggled to get her own party's supporters enthused, much less anyone else.
If this field of "front-runners" were any weaker, we'd need the defibrillators.
Overall, the message seems to be that Floridians are ready for change — and aren't too particular about what kind.
How else to explain Republican Rick Scott — the man ousted from a health-care company fined more than $1 billion for defrauding taxpayers — having a 13-point lead over establishment darling Bill McCollum?
Seriously: This dude's company stole from you. And yet primary voters seem more smitten with his tough-on-immigrants talk and "Let's get to work" catch phrases than his actual track record. (Welcome to modern politics.)
Even the blessing of GOP messiah Jeb Bush hasn't helped McCollum much.
It all looks pretty pathetic for the GOP — until you realize that every single person I just mentioned is beating Democrat Alex Sink in the polls. (And that probably includes Jeb … who's not running.)
Sink's prospects may only worsen, now that former Democrat-turned-indie Bud Chiles (son of former Gov. Lawton) is in the race.
In general, the cast of underwhelming characters looks better suited for a VH1 reality show than a major political race. Let's hope there are some major improvements to the plot line before the series finale.
Adopting new belief
Back when Charlie Crist was a reliable Republican, he opposed gay adoption.
Now that he's a liberated indie, he has apparently changed his mind.
In an interview with Time this week, Charlie said: "I think it's important that, you know, you have a live-and-let-live attitude as it regards adoption. I think probably the best decision-maker would be a judge."